Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
