the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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