like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
