Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
