I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
