so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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