when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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