ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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