You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
