Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
