I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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