well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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