My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize