he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
