never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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