So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
