Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
