I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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