I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
