My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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