He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
