I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
