You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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