He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
