Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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