can u get pink eye on your cock?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
