And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
