he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
