o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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