Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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