it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
