I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
