His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
