We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
