I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he fucked my hip out of place.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
