I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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