Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
please don't ironically join a cult
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