and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
