hotel room ftw
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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