Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
