Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
