You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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