see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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