Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
