literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
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I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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