Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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