I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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