that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
