I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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