I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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