she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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