I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
