Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
