I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
