i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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