i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
