Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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