He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
