I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
