apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I love you. Go after that dick
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
