i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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