Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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