I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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