If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
