you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
