Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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