he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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