Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
