People in love make me want to vomit
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
